Cramps!!!!

Man!! I have the depo shot as my birth control so I'm not supposed to be bleeding ever, or having period cramps ever, but DAMN!!!! Today I've got the worst period cramps OF MY LIFE!! They come in stabbing waves and I just want to crawl into a ball and DIE! Then I do some breathing things and they go away. And then come back again. VERY weird, this stuff. Maybe it's got something to do with this flu I have? *shrugs* I dunno. I'm still reading the Breastfeeding book - it's so interesting but I probably SHOULD stop reading it because it makes me ache to have a baby even more. I'm sure Jason is probably cringing when he's reading this *laugh* That reminds me - I need to have the discussion with him on when EXACTLY we want to start trying. I know I could just get pregnant and dump that on him, and he'd be okay, but I don't want to manipulate him like that. I know he wants to wait until we're stable and own our own home and stuff, but what if we never do? Having children is something I DEFINETLY want to do - and I'd like to do it soon(ish) so that my kids have some cousins that are somewhat similar ages to them (Jessie's baby, and my brother's kids). Speaking of THAT!! Nikki, my brother's girlfriend (whom I REALLY like) wants to have another baby with Matt. While I admit that it would be cool for Rogue to have a cousin her own age, it seems weird for them to have another baby. They fight SO DAMN MUCH, but I think my brother actually likes it that way. And Nikki just laughs at him (one more thing I like about her).... well, I guess we'll see.

One Word (deaf)

Sometimes I feel like my mother is deaf when I'm talking to her about our problems. She acts like she's hearing me, but she just doesn't get the content. I feel like I can never talk to her about anything important, because I pour out my soul to her, and she doesn't even hear it. I'm tired of having a surface relationship with a non deaf-deaf mother.

Back at work

Well, I'm back at work tonight even though I'm not feeling 100%. My voice is still a bit grainy and I'm feeling pretty dizzy, but I'm mostly okay. Oh, and my nose is even MORE of a snot factory than it usually is. But my voice sounds a LOT better. You can ask Beaniesue - she's got the hard evidence of how BAD I sounded on Tuesday. I had to say everything over like 2 or 3 times on her answering machine, so that she could understand what the fuck I was saying. Needless to say, we didn't go on our lil' date. But we'll hang out sometime when I'm feeling better and stuff. Lets see - what else is new? My house is a pit. It's just so hard to keep it clean when I'm sleeping all day and feeling like total shit. Maybe I'll feel better Sunday/Monday when I have the day off - then I can clean that day. I'll still sleep the WHOLE day tomorrow if my body will let me. I'm going to have Jason put up the HEAVY blanket over the window - the one that makes me violently oversleep - in an effort to do just that.My good friend Scott gave Jason and I $10 gift certificates to Barnes and Noble for Christmas (reminding me that I still need to give him his gift!!! ACK!!) and I got the La Leche League's book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding". Interesting read. Damn, these motherly urges are BAD sometimes. I really want a kid, but I really want to enjoy SOME time with Jason as a married couple, before we have kids. At least no kids in 2004. At least no kids in 2004. At least no kids in 2004. *keeps repeating that*

Sick

So I am now officially sick. I wondered yesterday if I was, or if I'd just eaten too many postatios (sp?). My throat was sore, but I thought maybe it was just from the salt from the nuts I ate on the drive home (the long drive home) from my mother's. Nope. It's the flu. Coughing up green stuff, upset stomach, diarhhea (sp?), headache from HELL, sore throat, the whole damn bit. Good thing I have off Tuesday and Wednesday - I can get plenty of fluids and plenty of rest. I want(ed) to hang out with Bean on Wednesday, but it's looking like that won't be able to happen. I don't think I'll be fun when I'm sick, and I also don't want to get HER sick. Lord knows she was sick enough for a while there - I don't want to start that process over again. And I brought this on myself. I totally knew Jason had this, yet I kissed and loved on him anyway. I just love him so much that I can't keep my hands off him!! So I'm trying my best not to bitch too much about being sick - just drink my o.j., eat my chicken noodle soup (with dumplings!), and sleep sleep sleep. That's my plan for these next few days. On the upside, my voice is all grainy and HELLAH sexy. I could work for a 1-800-sex number :) I'm at work tonight with Ardi - we've got one hard patient and one not so hard one. No computer to watch sex and the city on yet :( I haven't had the guts to go to Best Buy to try to deal with that bullshit yet. I need to, and soon, but I just don't want to NOW. I think tomorrow, when I call to see how much remote start is, I'll ask them if the warentee would cover my problem, without giving my name. Then maybe if it WON'T, I can make something else up that WILL be covered. That's the hope anyway. But first, sleep.

Friday Five on a Tuesday

What one thing are you most looking forward to . . .1. ...today?Sleep. LOTS of SLEEP! 2. ...over the next week?Getting over this flu. 3. ...this year?My wedding to the most kind, sensitive, loving man on the PLANET. 4. ...over the next five years?Buying a house, having a happy marriage, and possibly having a kid or 2. 5. ...for the rest of your life?A successful marriage, and keeping touch with my good friends (Arron, Audra, Bean, Kristen, Scott). Also, raising my kids right so they aren't disfunctional - harder than it shounds when you were raised disfunctionally.